News
Tim Tebow makes eerie impression at local donut shop
ABILENE, TX -- Millie Harrington estimates that she's baked over a half million donuts during her tenure at Sweet Two Donuts, but none have risen to a 'saintly' status. Until today. "Y'all just have a look at this strawberry jelly", ordered ...
Terrorist misunderstands “kitty-corner”, wrong Starbucks obliterated
FREMONT, CA -- With the seemingly endless expansion of the Starbucks chain and the rise in domestic terrorism, this tragedy was bound to happen. The early morning quiet of Fremont was violently shattered by the ear-splitting eruption of a rocket propelled grenade. ...
Greek government to solve debt crisis by taxing riots
ATHENS -- As a response to the increasing European debt crisis, the Greek parliament is in the process of voting on an unorthodox solution to its financial woes: A general tax on rioting. A prominent Greek politician who spoke to Tart ...
TBC Killer’s confession: “Someone dies because I’m crazy”
TRENTON, NJ -- The infamous "TBC Killer", captured after a three month manhunt, finally reveals the true nature of his inhuman angst. "If you look more deeply into the source of my nickname you will find the answer", said Johnathan Whitlock, ...
TORONTO, ON- On the eve of the Ontario Coroner's planned review into increasing cyclist deaths, another advocate is trying to bring attention to a far more serious problem on our roads. Local motorist Otto Mobiliste is petitioning City Hall for ...
Dr. Oz: “Dr. Phil offered unwarranted advice to Dr. Drew”
HOUSTON, TX -- Dr. Mehmet Cengiz Oz, television's most recent darling of advice, suggests that there may be a problem brewing. And he's none too pleased. "I have it on well trusted authority that Dr. Pinsky and McGraw have crossed the ...
Out-of-town man shot dead in local man’s driveway
ORLANDO , FL -- A peaceful weekend in Florida's theme park city turned into an ugly reminder that lost travelers are not always welcomed. Philipo Centacruz, 34, of Brooklyn, was headed to a plush Orlando suburb in search of his biological mother. ...
Dog travels over 200 miles all the way home
WINDSOR, ON, CANADA -- The stretch of Highway 401 from Toronto to Windsor, Ontario is not only the heaviest trucking route in North America, it's also flat, straight and downright boring. David Chittle was on that route last week, returning from a ...
Home Depot outdoor shopping complete failure
TEMPE, AZ -- Home Depot, the big-box hardware giant, has eliminated all 126 of its outdoor shopping facilities effective immediately. Justin Crell, South West Regional Manager, made the announcement to his team at a closed door meeting early this morning at the ...
Top 10 most common “last words”
RICHMOND, VA -- A research team funded by a multi-country government grant has recently published its official findings regarding man's most common spoken words. Under the Freedom of Information Act, Tart News has received transcripts of Section 418B, which focuses on ...
Local man battles aging disease
LANGLEY, VA -- Curtis Clarke has heard it all over his 43 years. The teasing, laughing and general meanness of others are constant reminders that Clarke is a victim of andiscoliosis. The disease, which prevents the body from engaging in a normal aging process, has ...
Casey Anthony “kills idea in its infancy”
AKRON, OH -- Casey Anthony, recently set free by a jury of her peers, has had to deal with an avalanche of money making ideas proposed to her by a phalanx of slick attorneys and marketers. "To be honest, I'm sure ...
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