Beetle Bailey AWOL after sexting charges

PARRIS ISLAND, SC — One of the nation’s most revered military celebrities is missing.

Private Beetle Bailey, 87, has been declared absent without leave and is assumed to be somewhere in the South Carolina area.

The catalyst for his flight was a recent charge by his commanding officer that Baily had an insatiable addiction to “sexting”, which usually involves images of real people engaged in provocative sexual activity.

Although cell phones are not allowed inside military bases like Parris Island, a source suggested that Bailey brought the phone through the gates, “the hard way”. This is especially troubling because the HP device included a 4″ screen.

During his 70 years with the military, Bailey had developed a reputation as a fine, albeit mischievous soldier, who’s penchant for oddball hi-jinks often resulted in some form of mild discipline.

A possible hint at future trouble came just three weeks ago, when Bailey was photographed in a compromising position at the “Shake It” Bar & Grill, a club usually frequented by the surging contingent of females in the military. His Sergeant and Commander, who were dispatched to return him to the base, played down the incident as, “One of those things that our kids sometimes do”.