Top 10 Clues that the porn you’re watching is low-budget

Porn movies used to be actual films. You know, shot and produced with relatively expensive motion picture equipment.

Now, however, anyone with a $70 digital camera, willing participants and a mattress can get into the craft.

And my, how the art has declined. Here’s how to tell if the porn you’re watching is low-budget:

1. There are dogs barking in the background.
2. The mattress is on dirt.
3. You spot a used face towel in among the bedding – during opening credits.
4. The lighting is shockingly better during the swimming pool scenes, pretty much hurting your eyes.
5. The female lead, although very qualified by age and number of offspring, can’t really be called a “MILF”.
6.  It’s been redistributed and retitled from “Curvy Co-Ed Nurses” to “Fatty White Trash 27”.
7. When the Secretary peeks into the Boss’s office, he’s busy on his Dell 486.
8. You notice a Port-a-John behind the mansion’s elegant swimming pool.
9. The lead actress has more than one yellow bruise per leg.
10. There is no “best part”.