Nancy Grace fan club on verge of disbanding – twins blamed

ATLANTA, GA — Once the idol of a group of rabid fans, Nancy Grace may see her largest official fan club implode as the result of wild infighting. And the catalyst behind this shocking development? Nancy’s twins.

Anyone who’s tuned in to the edgy ex-prosecutor’s evening broadcast knows that the Georgia lawyer has amassed a band of followers who live and die by her conservative creed. Mabel Hughes, of Crossing Creek, South Carolina, explains that “Nancy is the real reason why most of us got cable hooked up to the trailer”.

Now, however, a simple poll conducted by Helen Duckworth, President of the fan club, seems to have kindled a firestorm of animosity. “It all started as an innocent little contest – you know, to see if anyone had twins as cute as Nancy’s”, said Duckworth. “Before we knew it, it was clear that Nancy’s twins weren’t that cute at all. In fact, they were pretty much hard to look at – for even a couple seconds – while squinting”.

A Tart News study conducted in 2009 revealed that 9 out of 10 callers to the talk show would preface their comments with, “Before I get started, Nancy, I’d like to tell you how beautiful your twins are”, or something very similar. Now, however, those numbers have dropped to approximately 2 out of 10.

Duckworth added, “You know, we Southern Belles pride ourselves on hospitality, tact and decorum, but when I first saw real pictures of the twins I just asked, Dear Lord, why did she have to have 2 of them?”.