Out-of-town man shot dead in local man’s driveway

ORLANDO , FL — A peaceful weekend in Florida’s theme park city turned into an ugly reminder that lost travelers are not always welcomed.

Philipo Centacruz, 34, of Brooklyn, was headed to a plush Orlando suburb in search of his biological mother. Unknown to him, the Smythson family, four houses down from the scene of the slaughter, was holding its annual garage sale.

The busy event resulted in cars pulling in, and backing out, of neighboring driveways as visitors sought a parking spot on Gilmore Ave., a well manicured, tree-lined street.

Centacruz was unaware of the hubbub occurring on Gilmore as he backed into the driveway of John Furden, 46, a well known cat and assault rifle lover. Before Centacruz could put his car back into drive, a rapid burst of gunfire erupted from Furden’s Kalashnikov semi-automatic, riddling his Honda Civic with slugs.

One bullet caught the New Yorker in the neck, rendering him dead in an instant.

There were dozens of bargain-hunting witnesses, including Judy Kim, 29, who battled to save the victim. As a bizarre coincidence, Kim is also a cat lover.

While being led away in handcuffs, Furden repeated in a blood-chilling scream, “Why my fucking driveway? Why not the Cunningham’s? It’s always my fucking driveway”.

When questioned, several neighbors agreed that Furden appeared depressed about losing his presidency in the local chapter of the “Whiskers ‘n Weapons” club. Next-door neighbor, Clara Voss added, “I think his cable bill went up last month, too”.