Terrorist misunderstands “kitty-corner”, wrong Starbucks obliterated

FREMONT, CA — With the seemingly endless expansion of the Starbucks chain and the rise in domestic terrorism, this tragedy was bound to happen.

Terrorist bombs wrong Starbucks.

The early morning quiet of Fremont was violently shattered by the ear-splitting eruption of a rocket propelled grenade. The explosion propelled shock waves through the downtown core and sent innocent bystanders scrambling for safety.

Tart News field reporter Hahkman Talib, working undercover as a tourist, managed a brief, hectic interview with the terrorist who had apparently launched the devastating missile. The terrorist requested anonymity.

“You know,” said the masked bomber, “it’s times like this that really get my goat. I mean, Mahmud over there tells me to make sure we don’t kill anyone. So, I’m already in a, how you say, pissed off mood. Then he hands me this map that looks like something my daughter whipped up in daycare”.

The intended target, just across street, unscathed.

“Anyway”, continued the perturbed terrorist, “There has to be, like, a thousand fucking Starbucks in that one block. So Mahmud goes, ‘Hit the one kitty-corner to the big Starbucks’. I mean, kitty-corner? Really?”.

“Don’t get me wrong – we get pretty decent training on American expressions like, ‘take a whiz’, ‘hang a left’ and stuff like that. But I’m pretty sure you’re not going to find any ‘kitty-corner’ crap in ‘The Art of War’”.

Image credit 1: http://www.theage.com.au/news/